Ask Dr. Salubrious: I’mmm boreeeeddd

Dear Doctor Salubrious,

I’mmm boreeeeddd all the time. I’m not going out with my boyfriend anymore. We broke up, so now I’m bored all the time. I miss him. What do I do? I HAVE A VACANCY IN MY LIFE. OH MY GOSH! I’m moping all the time. I HAVE A VACANCY IN MY LIFE. Thanks, sorry to freak 🙂 I’m just like, whaat should I even do?

– Lindsaywhoissadandbored

Dear Lindsaywhoissadandbored,

You are doing wonderfully so far, because you have consciously decided to write me this letter. Often, when you are feeling so down, a natural reaction to your situation of course, it is difficult to try and keep yourself happy and moving forward. So, good job for taking the initiative! Woo! Anywho, here are some suggestions for ways to keep yourself occupied during this difficult time:

  • put on Vampire Weekend and dance around your house like you’re the happiest person in the world (usually this can be done at its best when nobody else is home);
  • write a letter to someone you’ve invented in your head;
  • really imagine what it would be like if you were a marine creature;
  • go to a public place and experiment with silly walks;
  • make some of your old socks or other suitable materials into puppets and create a dramatic, moving, puppet show and invite people to a formal viewing of the final production;
  • go up to one of your grandparents or, if they’re not around, parents and sing them a song without warning;
  • think carefully of a question that you’d most like to hear the answer to from an inanimate object and then, aloud, ask that inanimate object the question. Wait a minute for a response, just in case;
  • in a public place, take note of someone and narrate their life in your head, preferably with a striking British accent (“Joanne stood, solitary, in the produce section, wondering if the fig soup would provide her comfort in the days ahead”);
  • type on a keyboard as though you are a crazy manic secretary who can type 743,852 words per minute or
  • play a keyboard as though you are a very emotional and expert musician.

– Doctor Salubrious

NOTE:  Dr. Salubrious is still in high school and not actually a medical doctor.  All advice in this column is strictly for awesome amusement purposes.